Over the past few months, my friend Danielle and I have been doing some incredibly unscientific research about the similarities between babies and puppies. We’re still racking them up, but here are our stupendously non-academic findings for your consideration.
First, if you are attempting to raise either a baby or a puppy, you should be prepared to wipe up buckets of drool. And poop. The drool stops sooner with babies, and the poop (mostly) stops sooner with a properly housetrained puppy. However, be warned that sneezes in your face will be wet, slobbery, and frequent for longer than you care to imagine. Honestly, there will not be a shortage of disgusting substances from either one for as long as you have them. And you will be left with many tiny teeth marks as souvenirs of their passage through your home.
Second, the training of both babies and puppies will involve a lot of bribery. Guiding them to proper behavior with love is a fabulous theory, but keep treats in your pockets just in case your little bundle doesn’t stick with the program. Shiny and/or noisy objects work wonders, and so does food. Did you know that they make Kong-type things for babies too? A little peanut butter in the puppy Kong or a frozen cube of applesauce in the baby version, and you’ve got yourself a little peace and quiet, Mama.
Third, they both speak alien languages but are really good at letting you know what they want. You’ll get the hang of it pretty quickly, and find yourself translating unintelligible noises to friends like this: “Oh that? He wants to go outside and play with his teddy bear under the tree by fence.” And the kisses – oh, the kisses! Wet, slobbery, entirely disgusting if anyone else tried it, but completely adorable when given by baby or puppy. Last but not least, never underestimate the therapeutic benefits of a good belly rub. Your baby or your puppy will be putty in your hands (and might just take a good, long nap!)
No wonder babies and puppies make great best friends! If we missed any glaring similarities that you can think of, let me know in the comments!