I think it’s time I start earning my keep. Well, not really, but there’s more than enough cute to go around and why should Mommy & Daddy get all the fun? So here I am, your Toddler For Hire!

Previous Experience:

Toddler @ {Name Redacted} Residence, PA
Sept 14 – Present 

Responsibilities Included:

– Iced Tea Inspector. I can tell you with a high degree of certainty whether your iced tea is sodium deficient and correct the error by adding an appropriate (to me) number of salty chips. In the case of a total loss, I can throw the entire glass into your lap and make it look like you peed your pants. You’re welcome.

– Grocery Helper. Eggs make such a lovely crunching sound when they are thrown from a conveyor belt to the tile floor. Or at least I imagine they do, my last boss was a mean lady who stopped me from trying it.

– Cat Twirler. I grab their tails and hold on. Sometimes they pull me around the room, sometimes I pull them. We’re a team like that and it’s always fun – for me.

– Tight Space Explorer. Did you know that a 1.5 year old fits perfectly in the shelf under the TV where my Pooh bear player lives? Neither did Mommy.

Special Skills:

Communication: I conveniently warn you when I’m about to do something bad by telling myself “NOOOOOO.” Then I do it anyway. I said I communicate, not that I listen.

Horror Movie Sound Effects: I can scream like nobody’s business. Just ask the doggies next door.

Lovin: I give GREAT hugs. And kisses. Did you know Eskimos kiss with their noses? Mommy taught me that. She gives good hugs too. And she kisses my boo boos when I fall off stuff or into dry bathtubs. And she gives me yogurts and animal crackers and let’s me play puppy games on her phone.

Hmmmm….

Application withdrawn. Mommy, can I have a hug?