Fraternal Order of Hungry Babies, Local 524

Dear Madam,

Here at the Fraternal Order of Hungry Babies, Local 524, we take our duty to represent the interests of our members very seriously. As the Main Operations Manager (“Mom”) of the establishment located at xxxxxxxxxxxxx xx, we are writing to you today in order to inform you that an anonymous source…

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…ahem, anonymous source

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Has filed an open access complaint with us that requires your immediate attention. Our client alleges that certain discoveries brought to light by his recent acquisition of object permanence cognitive skills have alerted him to a series of grave injustices perpetrated against him, and by extension, the FOHB, over the past eight months. Specifically, he has realized that the two primary distribution centers responsible for saving his life from starvation on a regular basis, do not disappear between meals and are, in fact, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Denying access to them at any time, regardless of how recently they may have been in use, is a grievous injury against our client’s person and we present the following resolutions for your immediate implementation:

RESOLVED. The barbaric practice of “sleeping through the night” is hereby banned. Mom shall be available to feed our client regularly, regardless of the alleged status of the “clock.” We reject this linear notion of feeding time, and request a more wibbly wobbly approach to timely wimely hunger management.

RESOLVED. We will allow the continued presence of other foods, particularly those delicious carrots, with the understanding that you are not fooling anyone anymore by storing them in “cabinets” and “freezers.” We are onto you, and we are watching.

RESOLVED. While the Director of Activities & Diapers (“Dad”), has displayed an admirable tendency to assume that our client is hungry at all times, Mom has been known to try to deflect these indicators of imminent starvation with tactics such as providing toys or reading stories instead of immediately producing food for our client. While we remain big fans of Perfect Piggies, and can sympathize with our client’s excitement at being able to ride his very own motorcycle
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(note: add “motorcycle riding” to next committee meeting agenda), we must request that you immediately desist use of these tactics and solely respond to any type of noise our client makes with food, glorious food.

We thank you for your assistance in this matter. Our client’s complaint will remain on file, any further infractions on your part will be managed by a jury of our client’s peers – may God have mercy on your soul.

Yours respectfully,

Fraternal Order of Hungry Babies, Local 524

Members of Review Committee: Michael, Sammy, Rosabella, Landon, Lily, and our anonymous plaintiff. Who would really like a snack when you’re finished reading this.

 

It’s Possible to Be Too Subtle

I’ve been back to work for two months now, and overall it’s been great. I feel like I’m going in a good direction, career wise, and I love getting pictures of PJ and seeing what he’s doing throughout the day.

The one consistent issue I’ve been having is with pumping. Some days it’s really difficult to carve out enough time to sit still and do it. And other days, well, I’m reminded that it’s very possible to be too subtle! From my first day back, I printed up a sign that simply read “Please Do Not Disturb – Please use other door.” (My office sits in a weird spot that lots of people use as a shortcut).

Then I will lock my door and use that Medela hands free band (that looked terrifying in the store but has since become my favorite accessory) and do my desk work while I make PJ’s lunch for the next day. And it never fails, at least once a day, someone will knock right on that Do Not Disturb sign – or worse, ignore the sign and go straight to rattling the handle!

So I made a new sign today:

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Hopefully this does the trick – a bit more direct than I wanted to get, but still better than having to yell through the door that I really, really can’t come take a look at that right now (thump thump thump). And will save my office neighbor from having to announce that for me to people who seem to be getting ready to camp out!

For my other working, nursing moms – how do you handle this?

To cover or not to cover, that is the question

I’ve joined a couple of parenting groups on Facebook – some for the funny or sweet pictures, some for the information. They all have one thing in common so far – big fights over the “right” way to breastfeed. The conversation on any given breastfeeding image usually goes like this:

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Normal Nancy: Awww, cute! Whether or not I would ever take a picture of this, it’s a sweet moment between a mom and a baby.
Trolling Taylor: Women only whip them out like this because they’re begging for attention. Does this mean I can whip my private parts out? They’re natural too!
Disapproving Debbie: Ewww…stay at home if you must do something like that. And that kid is too old to nurse anyway!
And the crowd goes WILD…in the bad way. Continue reading

Give A Baby A Yub

Once PJ came home, my new mission was to teach him how to breastfeed. I was thrilled that I was able to supply enough to feed him, and I didn’t want to let it go to waste. I saw how hard some of the other NICU moms worked trying to pump and not getting anywhere, so I never took this for granted. And while he was in the NICU, it was a pain but not that big of a deal to drop everything and pump every three hours.

When he came home, it was a whole different ballgame.
Continue reading